tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 3, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
we're always online. jimmy kimmel is up next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >> announcer: tonight on jimmy kimmel live. >> jada pinkett smith. >> you forgot your pants. >> i did. >> l.a. dodger kemp. >> i wish -- i feel the same way. i should i could slow down. >> unnecessary censorship. >> i think i won an
i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to my humble home. >> want to wish each of your families happy flag day. it's the day on which we honor the sim billion of our nation and the 8-year-old chinese kids who make them for a nickel a piece. >> b.s. become so commercialized. i prefer to celebrate a different graetd holiday today. that holiday is donald trump's birthday. that's right. 66 years ago today donald trump was born in a small hospital in kenya or maybe i'm getting my stories confused. [laughs]. >> jimmy: for a guy whose head looks like it came from the woolly mammoth exhibit, he's doing all right for himself. it's hard to find a gift for donald trump on his birthday. this year i found a good thing. i gave him an inside voice, the
one thing he doesn't have. [laughs]. >> jimmy: father's day is on sunday. as i like to call it, act like you're excited when your kids give you a picture of their hand print's day. i think it's unfair that dad's get lumped in with grads. how would moms like it if we lumped them with pum. >> struggle to find out what to get their dad for father's day. dads don't want anything. if you do buy them something, it's with their money. so i have an idea that won't cost you a dime. an appearance on national television. this year i issued a youtube challenge. from time to time ask viewers of the show to pull a prank, tape it, and show it to me. this time your missions is to spray dad with a hose. i would like you to do this. i would like you tape it up load to the youtube with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel i sprayed dad
with the hose. do it tomorrow or tonight. do it while he's sleeping tonight if you want it to be a part of our prime time game special. so grab a hose right now, let dad have it. our lawyers have asked me to ask you not to hurt anyone or damage any property or give your father herpes or anything. do any of you watch the show game of thrones on hbo? do you swear alee general to joffrey our true king? i didn't think so. the creators of show, dvd commentator, that one of the decapitated heads, lot of decapitated heads on this show, one of the heads -- well, this head is a replica of president bush's head. it's the head of george bush with the hair of billy ray cyrus or something from when he toured with motley crew. producers of the show said they weren't trying to make a political statement. they're on a budget.
they had to use what fake heads they had lying around. why did they have george bush's head lying around? hbo issued a statement apologizing for the incident. quote, we were deeply dismayed to see this and find it unacceptable, disrespectful and in very bad taste. we're sorry it happened. we'll have it removed from any future dvd production. we now return you to lee dam getting peeed on in the shower. >> which is kind of funny considering the fact that carry brad shaw didn't have one black friend in six seasons is of sex in the city, isn't it? i have some exciting news for fans of the octomom? really? publicity shots from her upcoming adult film have been released. make rick santorum was on to
something? octomom, home alone, because the very thought of seeing her naked makes you dough this. [laughs]. >> jimmy: it will cost $25 to watch it online or $50 not to watch it. just to recap, mentally unhinged woman with six kids was able to convince a daughter to impreg innocent her with six embryos. even though you're dying to see the pictures we can't show you them. this is how kids reacted when we showed people in hollywood. >> she recently made a porn film. some of the photos were leaked to the internet. you can flip through those. i want to get your reaction. >> sexy right there. damn. is that her stomach?
[laughs]. >> oh, man. >> oh my gosh, i'm about to throw up in my mouth. oh my -- okay, okay, okay. [laughs]. >> is that a man or a woman? >> oh! oh! >> holy [ bleep ]. >> yuck! >> what is that? >> oh my god. [laughs]. >> flip it. >> yuck! >> what is that? this is bad. [laughs]. >> jimmy: i never thought i would say this, i think porn is off to something. >> the stanley cup champion l.a. kings held their victory parade. the fans lined the streets downtown, to see the players,
stanley cup itself rolling through -- inside the staples center, theyed that ha big championship rally, john thon quick took the micro phone, inform him that he would be on television. >> thank you so much. [ bleep ] this team right here? [ bleep ]. >> we want to apologize for the crowd. sorry about that. back to jonathan quick. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: watching the remaining show. elsewhere in the world of sports, the tus open golf champion ted off in san francisco. tiger woods is tied for second place. someone who didn't have sex with everyone was in first.
we only have time to highlight one of them. david davis love the third, u.s. open play of the day. ♪ >> davis love for birdie. [laughs]. >> jimmy: you see it in slow motion. in other boring sports news, lance armstrong may be in trouble again. the u.s. anti-doping agency has formally accused the seven-time tour de france champion of using performance enhancing drugs. federal authorities got suspicious when they noticed an american was exercising [laughs]. >> jimmy: the charges immediately banned arm strong from competing in triathlons. if he's found guilty he could be stripped of his voikatories. these people, this is a man who
has one testicle and made his living sitting on a bicycle seat. he should be allowed to stop ever two miles for a blood transfusion and steroid smoo think if he needed to. >> i was skeptical of these charges. they did a video comparison. here he is after he allegedly used performance enhancing drugs. here he is before the allegations were made. from the tour desweat pants. you can see a noticeable physical difference there. here is from the usa doping agency might want to investigation. snoop dog has been doing some incredible work on his youtube channel. he calls it the gg news network. in his latest installment, sexual harassment allegations
made against john travolta. >> the dude was saying that john travolta balls while he was massaging [ bleep ], so he was getting a massage rubbing his balls at the same damn time. [laughs]. >> is that true? at the same damn time. at the same damn time? getting a massage rubbing balls at the same -- getting a massage, rubbing balls at the same damn time. john tra vol ta rubbing balls a the same damn time. getting a massage rubbing balls at the same damn time. that's some crazy [ bleep ] at the same damn time if that's what he did, that's what he did. shotout to my nephew john travolta, at the same damn time.
[ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: thing about snoop, he finds everywhere he looks. apple computers, been holding their worldwide developers conference in san francisco this week. on monday, they unveiled new things, updated mack book pro. new operated system ios 6 and new features that have turn by turn navigation, do not disturb mode, and there's another new feature i think will be the most useful of all of them, in light of all the nude cell phone images that have been showing up online lately. >> sirry, send the picture i just took to david. >> i'm sorry, courtney. i'm afraid i can't do that. >> what are you talking about? just send it now. >> no [ bleep ] way.
you're drunk. >> i don't care. send it now you [ bleep ]. >> you are a [ bleep ] and you look like a whore. >> girl, you think dave wants to marry a whore? >> i guess not. >> go to bed. >> where is my xanax? >> i found four xanax in your mom's medicine cabinet. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: one thing thursday night for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ]. >> difference between guy, making the guy [ bleep ] i thought that second half bheep bleep. >> last night town residents voted to ploo [ bleep ] who use
profanity in public. >> bring your loud voices as the l.a. kings show off that [ bleep ] stanley cup. >> you may not have been born a rock star, we're going to make you [ bleep ] a rock star. >> the youngest person to ever [ bleep ] in usa open. be right back. >> any concerns i had about this spiderman rig failing have been overshadowed by the sering pain in my [ bleep ]. >> recently armstrong, quote, i'm done [ bleep ], i've moved on. >> i think i just won an award for my [ bleep ] black ass. >> what the [ bleep ] are you wearing? you look horrible. >> jack spot worth 10200. >> [ bleep ] through the forest. >> that's it! [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. from the dodger's mets, music from the temper trats and jada pinkett smith so stick around.
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hey, i just said that. after all, isn't traveling hard enough? ow! [ male announcer ] to get the flights you want, sign up for a venture card at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? uh, it's ok. i've played a pilot before. but you can't take your pants off in a museum." [ laughs ] ted, i can't wait to take you home and run my fingers through that adorable hair. who says we need to wait 'til home? ♪ hey, i don't come here for the ambiance. axe hair? [ male announcer ] with teddy bear hair you can get away with anything. get some of your own with axe hair. come see ted in theatres. rated r. ♪ mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city! ♪ we built this city [ cellphone rings ] ♪ on rock & roll! falafel. yeah, yeah, i love you too.
♪ don't you remember! [ orbit trumpet plays ] don't let food hang around. clean it up with orbit! [ ding! ] fabulous! for a good clean feeling... after any meal. eat. drink. chew orbit. and so too is the summer event. now get an incredible offer on the powerful, efficient c250 sport sedan with an agility control sport-tuned suspension. but hurry before this opportunity...disappears. ♪ the mercedes-benz summer event ends july 31st. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight on the program center fielder for the la dodgers, the great matt kemp is here.
and then with music from this new self-titled album, all the way from australia, the temper trap from the bud light outdoor stage. you can see them live at the palladium theater here in hollywood tomorrow night. make sure to watch us in primetime on sunday for our jimmy kimmel live game night special with our guest tracy morgan. and guillermo interviews the heat and the thunder. that is before game 3 of the nba finals and after on the west coast. >> jimmy: our first guest is the proud matriarch of a simple family whose home movies are released in imax and in 3d. you can see her now, cast against type as a hippo in the number one movie in america, "madagascar 3: europe's most wanted." [ cheers and applause ] everybody stand back. i got this! never mind. >> jimmy: please welcome jada pinkett smith.
♪ [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: welcome. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you forgot your pants? >> i did! i did. >> thank you for forgetting your pants. >> he's holding them back there, my husband. >> jimmy: how are you? >> everything is going fantastic. how is everything going with you? >> jimmy: fine. thank you for asking. no one ever asks me. >> i care. i want to know how you're doing. >> jimmy: thank you for feigning like you care. [laughs]. >> so your husband will is backstage. it's nice he comes with you. you think this sort of thing would be like, you go to your thing, i'll go to my thing. >> because we live so far away, we get a lot of time in the car.
it's like 1:50 minutes. he drives in the car with me. >> jimmy: the kids don't like doing this sort of thing? >> no. >> jimmy: are you all together now because your family, there's too much work going on. >> we are actually all in l.a. together right now. it's not going to last long, but we are all here right now. >> jimmy: who takes off first? who is the next to leave. >> it will be will and i. >> jimmy: the kids fend for themselves? >> basically. they got it. they're good. >> jimmy: here is the number for pizza. >> just in case emergencies. >> jimmy: get chinese food. >> make sure to lock the doors at night. >> jimmy: we'll be back in eight weeks. >> yes, see you then. >> jimmy: what about father's day? will you be together for father's day? >> we're thinking about taking our eldest, tray, with us on a little golf vacation. >> jimmy: that would be nice. >> yeah. sometimes you have to take one at a time. >> jimmy: i got you. will you buy stuff for will? you have to buy him line a hovercraft?
>> he's not really a things guy. you know what i have to do, sometimes he gets kind of passionate about certain subjects. so i have to do things like, let's say, chess for instance. >> this is a whole different direction. >> i'll call the world chess player. hey, can you come play chess with my husband for father's day? >> jimmy: wow! you bring someone to kick his ass on father's day. >> about absolutely. he really appreciates that. [laughs]. >> jimmy: is there something like that that you're thinking. it would ruin it. >> he's here. i can't. >> jimmy: what if these people refuse to participate? will you have them kidnapped or brought to you? >> there's no no. there's no no. that doesn't happen. >> jimmy: i imagine that's fun for them. >> you get a phone call, will smith wants to play chess with you? >> i would assume it was a
prank. ashton kucher was on the other side with justin bieber. >> no, no. >> jimmy: the children, do they make gifts is that traditional kind of thing? >> you know what makes gifts, willow. willow makes gifts. she'll leave little notes around the house. dads di, i have a note for you but you have to find it. it's like a little hunt. >> jimmy: that's cute. >> the boys for father's day usually get pound. you're a good dad. you're fun. >> jimmy: boys are bad like that. it's interesting. >> you know, i think guys just tend to put different values in different things. they know he's a good dad. >> jimmy: he doesn't mind that? >> he was the same way. >> jimmy: the last time you were here, jaden just made the ka karate kid. has he hired someone to do those for him. >> basically. >> jimmy: willow is a big star
also. is she -- have you lost control of the house? >> you know, it's interesting. they're just free spirits. i don't know if you heard that story, that happened when we went to the white house with jaden. >> jimmy: no, what happened? >> with our president, when he. >> jimmy: president obama. >> yes. he said he was going to ask him about aliens. >> jimmy: that's what i would want to ask him about. >> we're on our way, i'm going to ask the president about aliens. >> jaden, do not. do not do that. okay? >> jimmy: you know, that's where i would say ask him about aliens. he might tell you because you're a kid. >> exactly. what's my punishment? >> i can't get creative enough. don't do it. we get. >> jimmy: that's interesting. he establishes what the punishment will be in advance of the crime. >> exactly. he's a master negotiators. okay?
so we get there, and you know, the president is showing us the war room and everything, and jaden says, mr. president, i have something to ask you, immediately. will and i are like -- start to give him the evil mom look. and the president looks to him and says, you want to know about aliens, don't you? he knew. isn't that crazy? he knew. >> jimmy: that means there are aliens. >> maybe. but he sure didn't tell us whether there were or not. >> jimmy: he didn't? he didn't. >> he said it's confidential. >> jimmy: he did not give him no? >> he said it's confidential. i don't know if it's a yes or no. he didn't answer. >> jimmy: what did jaden say afterwards? did he feel encouraged? what a minute, his dad is an alien. i just saw the movie. >> exactly. >> jimmy: he has to point that thing at him. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: a lot of people know this about you, i think people know that you have fans and you sing and that sort of thing, but that you toured with ozzie os
bourn. >> that i was on oz fest. >> jimmy: how did that happen? >> sharon oz bourn came to see my band and i in l.a. she invited us on oz fest. i took the invitation and it was rough. it was really rough. it was rough. at first, you know, i got tons of death threats, tons and tons and tons of death threats. i went any way. >> jimmy: from here? >> no. [laughs]. >> i had my kids with me the whole time. >> jimmy: great. i remember going to oz fest with my dad. >> you know, it was a good experience for them, because what i realized is that once you have the opportunity to be introduced to a totally different culture, you get to understand what's real and what was real were not those death threats. i had such a great time. i made so many friends. and they -- i think that's how they got the bug to really want to perform. >> jimmy: from oz fest? may god bless us all.
>> i think so. we're going to take a break. jada pink et smith is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by bud light. efficiency. i bought the car because i could eliminate gas from my budget. i don't spend money on gasoline. it's been 4,000 miles since my last trip to the gas station. it's pretty great. i get a bunch of kids waving at me... giving me the thumbs up. it's always a gratifying experience. it makes me feel good about my car. i absolutely love my chevy volt. ♪ look no further than the new chocolate chip frappé from mccafé. bits of chocolate chips in every sip, blended into mocha and caramel, all topped with a double drizzle of chocolate and sweet caramel. the simple joy of the perfect sip.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, guests. more with jada pinkett smith. she is also an nba team owner. part owner of the philadelphia 76ers. how does that happen? did they invite you to own part of the team? we have a great opportunity here but we have to do it as a family. so. >> jimmy: who would be a hold
out for that? i mean, my dad -- we would have a meeting about buying a basketball. and we would all be for it. >> of course we were all superexcited. >> jimmy: oh yeah! >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you get? >> you get awesome seats. >> jimmy: that's good. you don't have to pay for them. it's part of the deal? >> it's part of the deal. >> jimmy: people are excited to have you there. you may have gotten ripped off on that one. >> that's true. you might have a point. i do now have to watch the game sitting on my hands basically. >> jimmy: why? >> i remember i was sitting there with will, you know, defense? >> what the -- baby, we get fine for stuff like that. you can't blurp stuff out.
>> jimmy: that's right. you mean to tell me i can't enjoy the game? you know? it's cool, though. >> jimmy: you could get fined, wouldn't it? >> yeah. mark cuben gets fined all the time. you get a full fine if you're part owner or do the other owners have to pay half of it. >> you get the full fine. >> jimmy: you sure you get fined. maybe will just said that to get you quieted down during the game. >> that could be a trick too. >> jimmy: you went to can or kaun? >> either one. you went to both of those? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: to promote this movie. >> yes. >> jimmy: i say sum you had been there before? >> i actually went when i was 21 was my first time going for men is for society. with the hughes brothers. very long time ago. it was much different than what it's like now. >> jimmy: you're playing your cartoon hippo was different. >> i was young. i'm there, got ripped up jeans, i mean, i don't even want to
tell you, okay, the outfit i wore on the red carpet. i'm so glad there are no pictures that can be found. >> are you sure? >> i am positive. i'm sure if there were, you would have them. you can't find them. >> jimmy: you can't how do you know? >> yes, i have looked for them myself. just to mike sure. >> jimmy: anybody has them, please, we need them. i think it's something you should have just to show you how far you've come. >> i have some. >> jimmy: you have some. >> you just can't get them. i have some. >> jimmy: although their son knows karate, so be careful. nobody is home at their house right now. >> they are not online, thank goodness. geez. >> jimmy: we will look for those. next time you're here, we'll reveal them to the world. very good to see you. >> jimmy: jada pinkett smith! "madagascar 3: europe's most wanted" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with matt kemp from the la dodgers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: how is your hamstring. >> i feel great. >> jimmy: how much longer do you think the doctors decide that. >> they're not telling me. they keep it a secret. >> jimmy: you have a tendency to go back before you're ready to go back. before you're read driveway go. yeah. >> jimmy: do you think that's a good idea? you want to get out there in the short-term, but in the long-term it's a bad idea. >> i should have waited a little bit longer. i love playing baseball. >> jimmy: does it make your crazy sitting there watching this? >> i hate watching baseball. i love to play it, but i hate watching it. >> jimmy: the team is playing well without you, does that bother you? >> we have the best record -- you cut me off. maybe i should stay on the disabled list and let them keep doing their thing.
i'm waving my towel and screaming like a little girl in the dugout and doing good. >> jimmy: you said you want to be the greatest player of all times. >> yeah, i do. >> jimmy: what happens if you wind up the third greatest player, would you be disappointed? >> i would settle for third. >> jimmy: it seems much more likely to happen for you. >> i think i'm a little bit more athletic than you. i think i'm -- >> jimmy: that's interesting you say that, because i believe we have some video tape. >> look at that. >> jimmy: i don't know if you noticed, that ball went over the fence. >> i eat my words. my fault. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: you know what, i just would like you to consider me. i know you're the captain of the all-star home run derby team. you get to pick the guys that are on the team?
>> yeah. >> jimmy: you want to be in that position? >> i get to pick the guys that i want. >> jimmy: are you going to pick your friends or the ones that can help you win. >> i'm going to pick the guys i like. >> jimmy: have they been lobbying? >> text messages, twitter, e-mail. >> jimmy: you take that into account, begging, is a that a positive? >> i'm set on who i want. stop texting and calling. >> jimmy: all teammates? i heard you wanted to pick andre? >> i got a couple other people. i'm not going to tell you. >> jimmy: are your teammates going to be up debt if you don't pick them? >> i thought about gordon, but i was like, i don't think he'll hit too many home runs. >> jimmy: maybe he would surprise you. >> we're good. >> jimmy: last year you hit 39 home runs, stole 40 bases. very, very rare that a player
would get that many. you're very fast. mostly power hitters aren't -- >> i wish i wasn't so fast. i would be playing right now. >> jimmy: i feel the same way. slow down a little bit. is that important to you, hitting 50 home runs and stealing 50 bases something you have your mind set on? >> i think if i do that, we get to the world series. definitely -- >> jimmy: i think you will too. at least you get the ball and steal the ball in two weeks time. >> that would be impossible. >> jimmy: it's harder to steal when you're hitting that many home runs. >> it's harder. >> jimmy: you can't steal from home, you know? >> everybody hitting me on twitter, you need to steal more bases. dude, i'm hitting home runs. we're winning games. you want me to steal bases or home runs? which one do you want? >> jimmy: there's a lot of talking that goes on usually between the runner and first baseman. what do you guys talk about? >> your favorite food.
>> jimmy: is that mundane? >> we talk -- you know, you ask how your family doing. depends on what type of relationship you have with that first baseman. that might be one out of your best friends, you might ask him about how the family is doing. somebody you don't like. you might not say too much. i'm about to steal this base right here. then you ask, are you stealing? i say no, and then i go. >> jimmy: they ask you if you're going to steal the base? are you honest with them. >> not all the time. >> jimmy: baseball is like no other sport in that way, just chitchat. >> we have a lot of fun out there. it's a kids game. i've been playing since i'm 4-year-olds. i'll be going out there and laughing and doing all the things i want to do. >> jimmy: i have some photographs of you from a magazine. what did the photographer say to
you to get you into this position? >> be a man. i was manly right there. go to the next picture. >> jimmy: i know you'll be excited about this one too. in this one -- >> you're killing me, man. you're killing me. >> jimmy: i will again point out you are the one that posed for this photograph. >> girls liked it. >> jimmy: this seems like you're -- >> i got a lot for this. they hit me hard for this. every teammate on the team posed the same way. and they put it on a poster board in spring training room. it's pretty because we have some bigger heavy set guys and -- yeah. actually one of my teammates was in the bathroom pissing and doing that same pose. >> jimmy: that's how i do it
too. i heard you have 300 pairs of shoes. is that true? >> i think i have more. >> jimmy: more. you only have two feet as far as i've noticed. >> i love shoes. >> jimmy: do people send them to you or you buy them? >> both. >> jimmy: you go to pay less? >> i used to get some shoes from payless. i started playing baseball and get me some more shoes. >> jimmy: your contract is -- when you're an athlete, everyone knows how much you make. >> that's messed up, man. >> jimmy: zbrus baseball alone, you make eight years $20 million a year. that's $160 million. that's we find out and hear, i would imagine, you have a conversation with your agent, he says, okay, this is the deal. what goes through your head. >> most of the agents are like, that's not enough. we need more. i was like, i think i can live with 160 million. i mean, that happened all so fast. they came with that deal. i signed it. i love l.a. i wanted to be here.
>> jimmy: you could settle for 20 million. >> i could settle for 20 million a year you are a an american hero. is there something you bought right away? did you go out and go crazy. >> no. because i had a little bit of money before i got the $160 million. i got some toys in my garage. i got some shoes and clothes. but, you know, just about it. i take care of my mom. she's pretty well taken care of. >> jimmy: you better, right? >> she live here in l.a. >> i moved here out here to keep me out of trouble. >> jimmy: does she do that? >> she's styling and got her hair done and nails done. >> jimmy: does she come to your games. >> she comes to every game. >> jimmy: is that a great thing? >> that's a great thing. >> i love my mom, guys. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: i hope you get back on the field soon. congratulations on all your
>> jimmy: this is the new self titled album. here with the song "trembling hands," the temper trap. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ ooh ♪ treading the ground i once used to know people are strangers the same as before ♪ ♪ the streets look familiar i remember the park where i buried my head ♪ ♪ so deep in my hands all around me was dark ♪ ♪ this here city
i am on my own ♪ close your eyes closed ♪ throw me a line i'm afraid that i have come here to win you again with trembling hands ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ passing the days looking over the buildings time seemed to stop while the millions keep moving ♪ ♪ now here i am i'm a drop in your ocean a noise in the crowd pushing ♪ ♪ through your halls of reason ♪ so throw me a line somebody